Is There a Place for Us?
by Addie Logan
Summary: A series of short vingettes told from Lance and Kitty's POV on the merits (or imposibility) of their relationship. (slight AU)
1. Romeo Makes a Phone Call to Juliet

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men, Shakespeare, or any songs by Melissa Etheridge. Don't sue me, I'll cry. The few lines at the beginning and end are from the song "No Souvenirs" by Melissa Etheridge, which is on her album _Brave and Crazy_. The quotes late in the story are from William Shakespeare's _Romeo and Juliet_.

Rating: PG

Summary: Kitty decides whether or not she should be with Lance. (Evolution 'Verse; semi-AU. Kitty POV) **MAJOR ANGST WARNING!!!**

Author's Note: This story is semi-AU, meaning it isn't completely alternate universe, but it doesn't really go along with the show completely either. Basically, it takes place after "Hex Factor," and ignores anything that may come after it. (Which it sort of has to, seeing as at this current time, the two part season finale has not yet aired.) Anyway, it diverges from what is sure to be the path the show takes by having Lance leave town following the battle in the mall between the Brotherhood and the X-Men. (I just don't see the writers doing that…) 

Feedback and Archiving: Please. Send all feedback and archiving request to addie_logan@yahoo.com or sign on AIM or AOL and IM ChereRogueMarie. 

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Romeo Makes a Phone Call to Juliet

By: Addie Logan

**_Hello, hello this is Romeo  
Calling from a jackpot telephone_**

He didn't say what made him leave. Maybe it had finally been too much from him. Maybe seeing child turn against parent, follower against leader, lover against lover had been enough to disillusion even the jaded.

Lover against lover.

I think that was what got to him the most. It had to be—if it hit him at all the way it did me. Standing across from him, a few feet and a million miles between us, and knowing. Knowing once and for all that he was my enemy. My loyalties demanded that I turn a cold shoulder to love, just like I knew in the back of mind might happen someday.

I never expected it to be that hard.

The pain was even greater than that of suffering my first real defeat. Looking across at him then, I wished I had listened to him when he told me—begged me—to get out of there before things got bad. Not because of the outcome of the battle. Difficult as it was, I could face losing. No, I wish I'd left before I'd had to face the awful truth.

We weren't just Lance Alvers and Kitty Pryde, two high school kids feeling the effects of first love. 

We were Avalanche and Shadowcat.

We were soldiers.

We were enemies.

We were at war.

_My only love sprung from my only hate!  
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!  
Prodigious birth of love it is to me,  
That I must love a loathed enemy._

The words sprung up into my mind, and I could not push them away. I could taste them bitter, resting in my mouth, wanting to be said, but I refused to let them be. I did not want to be Juliet, dying for the first taste of young love. I'd always been more practical than that. I'd always been reliable, steady, with a good head on my shoulders. Could I risk it all for this? Could I go to Lance, offer up my love, only to risk losing everything around me?

I wouldn't die for him. I knew that. I don't know if he would die for me. And I wouldn't turn away from the X-Men. Loyalty means more to me than romantic happiness. 

I've never been sure where Lance's loyalties lie. He left the Brotherhood once, and I hoped maybe that meant they lay with me. Even after he'd left, I'd kept hoping. 

It was that hope that kept me from leaving Lance behind long ago. It lead me to grasp for time with him when I could, never letting anyone know how much he meant to me, how close we were. I kept hoping that he'd change his mind about our relationship, let everyone know what he told me, late at night on the phone when no one else could hear, or in those rare moments where we got to be alone. I'd even asked him to that silly little school dance, hoping that if he went with me, and everyone saw us together, then it would all be out in the open. Then, we could be together for real.

I hated the secrecy, the denial, the silence.

Romeo and Juliet hid their love from the world.

It wasn't until after tragedy struck that everyone knew how deep their love ran.

What I had with Lance became the most real for me when I looked across and saw my enemy. How easy it had been for me to walk into battle against the Brotherhood! Even when Lance had pleaded with me to leave, I hadn't realized what was going on. The Brotherhood was our enemy in name only—had been for a long time.

That wasn't the case anymore. Mystique was back, and she had waged a war. 

Suddenly, it all became painfully, blindingly clear, and I understood what it was to be a "star-crossed lover." 

There was no glamour in that phrase, no romance. It wasn't at all how they presented it in movies, in books, in songs. It was real. So real.

Put a whole new spin on the phrase "love your enemies."

But I didn't know where this love would take me. Would it end up hurting me, or worse, one of my friends? Would someone I love die the way Tybalt had died? Was love worth that?

Was anything worth that?

I wondered if Lance thought somewhere around the same thing. He disappeared shortly after that battle. I made myself to stop thinking about it. In the end, we were victorious, but the Brotherhood was still comprised of our enemies.

If Lance came back, he'd still be my enemy, too.

_My only love sprung from my only hate._

I didn't want that, and maybe he didn't either. I convinced myself that's why he left. He didn't want to have to face what it meant to love me and be against me at the same time.

I didn't expect to hear from him again.

Time went by and I didn't. I filed my memories of him away in the part of my heart marked "lost love," and went on with my life, convincing myself that someday the pangs I felt whenever something evoked a vision of him in my mind would go away. For a while I had myself convinced it had.

Then I heard his voice. 

It was deeper, rougher than I remember. The time since I'd last seen him had wrapped itself around the sound, making him seem older as if weeks had become years. And he made such a simple request.

"Give me a reason to come back."

One thought went through my mind.

_For never was a story of more woe  
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo_

I didn't want that. I didn't want to be Juliet, and I didn't want Lance to be Romeo.

I didn't want us to end as a tragedy.

So I gave him such a simple answer.

"I can't."

The line went dead, and I'm still not sure if who it was that ended the call first.

I did the right thing. 

I know I did the right thing. 

You can't love your enemy, not like that. It only ends badly, and there are already enough chances for pain like that in my life.

I lay back on the bed, clutching the cordless phone, wiping tears from my eyes, being thankful that I spared myself from the pain that letting myself continue to love Lance would cause.

It was Lance's voice I heard in my mind now, with mine always coming right behind, saying the words that I knew I shouldn't want to take back.

_Give me a reason to come back._

_I can't._

**_Oh wait, wait I guess I'm just too late  
Oh you made up your mind  
Love shouldn't be so hard… _**

*** *** ***

I'm thinking about making this a series with different short fics like this told from both Lance and Kitty's perspective, but I need reader input. Is it worth continuing like that? If you liked it or hated it either one, let me know!!!


	2. A Gas Station Soliloquy

Disclaimer: Still don't own the X-Men…

Rating: PG-13 (It's Lance. He's wallowing in self-pity. There's cursing.)

Summary: Lance's POV this time. Set right after he hangs up from calling Kitty. (Part two in the series "Is There a Place for Us?")

Author's Note: This story is semi-AU, meaning it isn't completely alternate universe, but it doesn't really go along with the show completely either. Basically, it takes place after "Hex Factor," and ignores anything that may come after it. (Which it sort of has to, seeing as at this current time, the two part season finale has not yet aired.) Anyway, it diverges from what is sure to be the path the show takes by having Lance leave town following the battle in the mall between the Brotherhood and the X-Men. (I just don't see the writers doing that…) 

Surgeon General's Warning: Smoking is bad for you. So is sitting in a gas station feeling sorry for yourself. Don't be like Lance—just like Lance. *grin*

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A Gas Station Soliloquy

By: Addie Logan

I hung up, sunk to the ground in front of the pay phone, and lit a cigarette. Living a long and healthy life was the last thing I cared about.

I'd never smoked before I left Kitty and the rest of Bayville behind. You'd think I would have, seeing as I worked so hard to be a bad boy, but I never smoked.

I don't even know why I started now.

I'm not sure what I thought Kitty would say when I called. Did I think she'd say that she loved me, and that I should come back for that—for her?

What I didn't expect was the answer she gave. It was too simple. Her words didn't even hold any feeling.

"I can't."

Two words. That was all it took her to throw away what we had.

But what did we have?

We would flirt, sneak around behind the backs of the people we called our friends, and spend nights talking on the phone until we couldn't keep our eyes open any longer. 

It wasn't anything, really. Just a fling. Quick and painless.

Then why did losing Kitty tear me up like this?

Cars drove in and out of the gas station and I watched, every once in a while taking a drag off the cigarette. It burned my lungs, and I welcomed the pain.

Reminded me I was alive.

_"I can't."_

I couldn't forget those words, no matter how hard I tried. I wanted to go to her and grab her, shake her, demand that she tell me just why she couldn't.

I stared out over the broken asphalt in front of me, realized something. I didn't need to ask Kitty why she couldn't give me a reason to come back. I knew.

I wasn't good enough for her. She came from a well-off family. In the small town in Illinois where me and Kitty grew up, everyone knew the Prydes. They had the typical suburban home. Heaven surrounded by a white-picket fence.

And everyone had known the Alverses, too.

Hard not to notice the town drunk, and that's exactly what my father was.

I threw the cigarette down and smashed it out with the toe of my boot. I hated myself, more then than ever before. How could I have been so stupid to think Kitty would ever love me? I was the kind of guy girls like that ran around with to see if it felt any different to hold on to a man who was wearing denim instead of silk. Good girls went for bad boys for a brief taste of the wild side.

Then got bored and tossed them away like the garbage they were.

And I knew that. I knew it from the moment Kitty first stated responding to my advances, but I'd been enough of an idiot to think maybe we'd beat the odds. Every time we'd been able to escape, even for a little while, and be together—just the two of us—it had been like paradise. Her kisses had tasted so sweet and pure, and I wondered sometimes that if I could hold her for long enough, some of her innocence would rub off on me, and I'd have a chance at redemption.

Instead, I let Mystique lead me into battle against Kitty and her friends. I'd placed misguided loyalty over love, and it made me hate myself even more. I had tried to get Kitty to leave, sure, but the other X-Men? Hell, I'd brought half the ceiling down on Jean Grey.

And when I'd stood there with the rest of the Brotherhood, beside Mystique and across from the X-Men, I'd looked into Kitty's eyes. Seeing those deep blue pools staring back at me with such hurt and betrayal had been too much. It had only been a few nights before when I'd told her I was in love with her, and then, there I was fighting with people who wanted to kill her.

God, I'm a bastard. A fucking bastard.

Of course Kitty didn't want me to come back for her. I was beneath her to begin with, she'd lowered herself to feel any sort of feelings for me whatsoever, and then I'd gone and betrayed her. Dammit, how much worse for her could I get?

She hated me.

And I deserved it.

I shook another cigarette out of the crumpled pack. They were the cheapest cigarettes the gas station had. Red, white, and blue, with a picture of an eagle on them. Brand name USA. My dad used to smoke the same kind. Said that way he could save money and be patriotic at the same time.

I wonder how patriotic he was being the few times he put them out on me.

As I took the first drag off my second cigarette, I could almost hear what Kitty would say if she saw me smoking. She'd probably take them from me, all the while giving me a lecture on the dangers of smoking. Sort of like what she did every time I ate red meat. She was always telling me I had to take care of myself, so I'd be around for a long time.

I used to remind her that only the good die young, so I was gonna live a while.

She'd laugh, kiss me, and tell me I was good, despite what I thought.

Somehow, I don't think she'd say that anymore. Hell, she might not even care that I was slowly killing myself with inevitable lung cancer.

On second thought, she might care. 

She'd probably be against the slow death part. She probably want me to just hurry up and crawl in my grave.

At the rate I was going, that was probably going to happen soon anyway. I wasn't exactly taking care of myself. I don't remember the last time I ate a real meal.

Unless microwave hot dogs count.

I flicked the end of my cigarette, adding the ashes to the pile of garbage building around the pay phone. It was dirty, unclean. The sort of environment I belonged in.

And Kitty belonged in a mansion somewhere. Like the one she lived in, I guess. Comfort, cleanliness. 

Home.

I deserved a gutter.

I wasn't sleeping anymore. Hadn't for days. I couldn't. Every time I tried, Kitty's eyes haunted me. The way they looked when we were wrapped up in each other's arms. The gleam they got when she was happy.

The accusatory pain when she had to look across and see me with the Brotherhood and against her.

It was the same look she'd had when I'd left the X-Men, after being blamed for all the new recruits' little "joy rides." Even after I had an apology I couldn't stay. My pride wouldn't let me.

Ironic that it was Pryde that made me want to stay all the same.

But she was never mine.

_Never mine._

That fact became clear in my mind. Kitty wasn't mine, and she never had been. She was over me for sure, and I was sitting in front of a gas station pay phone, feeling sorry for myself. I got up and stamped out the rest of my cigarette. I need to move on. I needed to move past from Bayville and Katherine Pryde.

I got into my jeep and started a drive to nowhere.

I'd know home when I found it.


	3. Reflecting on Memories Encased in Old Le...

Disclaimer: Do I own the X-Men yet? Hmm…let me check. Nope, they're still not mine.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Part three in the series "Is There a Place for Us?" Kitty's turn again.

Author's Note: This story is semi-AU, meaning it isn't completely alternate universe, but it doesn't really go along with the show completely either. Basically, it takes place after "Hex Factor," and ignores anything that may come after it. (Which it sort of has to, seeing as at this current time, the two part season finale has not yet aired.) Anyway, it diverges from what is sure to be the path the show takes by having Lance leave town following the battle in the mall between the Brotherhood and the X-Men. (I just don't see the writers doing that…) 

Feedback and Archiving: Please. Send all feedback and archiving request to addie_logan@yahoo.com or sign on AIM or AOL and IM ChereRogueMarie. 

Shameless Website Plug: Be nice and go to my site: http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/addielogan

Reflecting on Memories Encased in Old Leather

By: Addie Logan

I went on a date. Aren't high school girls supposed to go on dates? It wasn't a big deal.

He was just a guy in my English class. Most of the girls around Bayville think he's pretty hot, and I'm no exception. I couldn't help but squeal when I told a friend of mine that he wanted to go to the movies with me. She squealed right back, in the time-honored, teenage girl sort of way. 

I went to the mall with Jean. She helped me pick out an outfit so I'd look my cutest come Friday night. 

Even the date went well. We got along. He kissed me at the end of the night, and it was a good kiss. He didn't drool in my mouth or try to swallow me whole. 

I should've been in my room, sitting on my bed, sighing happily, and gushing on the phone to one of my girlfriends about what a wonderful night it was.

So why was I sitting on the roof of the mansion instead?

It didn't take my genius I.Q. to answer that question, just noticing the jacket I'd chosen to wear out here.

It was the jacket I never wore in front of the X-Men. The one I only wore when I knew I'd be alone and needed to feel more than just physically warm.

It was Lance's jacket.

It brown leather. Bomber style. I think it had been his father's at one point. He'd let me borrow it one night when we'd snuck out and stayed gone longer than we meant to. It got cold, and Lance shrugged his jacket off without a thought, putting it on me. I'd tried to refuse it at first, saying he'd be too cold without it. He leaned down, and whispered in my ear, his voice husky:

"I'd rather give you my jacket and stand naked in the snow than watch you as much as shiver."

I think I warmed up then, even without the jacket.

I rub my fingers over the old leather, Lance's touch imprinted in my mind. I can still taste his kiss, and the memory makes me glad I'm not trying to stand.

I know what was missing from my date tonight. The boy was nice. I liked him.

Nothing about him made me weak in the knees.

A tear rolls down my cheek and I angrily swat it away. Lance left six months ago. I shouldn't still feel this way. We were never really anything. Just two people yearning to be, but held apart by circumstances.

They say you can't miss what you never had, but oh God, I miss it so much.

Maybe I just want what could've been.

I think back over the date again, and suddenly I'm angry at Lance. If it wasn't for him, I'd be happy right now. I'd be on the phone to a girlfriend, giggling, painting my toenails pink. I'd be like every other girl my age, still innocent to the ways of deep, weak-in-the-knees love.

Instead, I'm here on a roof, wrapping myself up in leather-encased memories and wishing Lance hadn't left fingerprints on me with every touch.

In a way, it's like he stole my innocence with soft, chaste touches. He never pushed me too far, never asked for more than the chance to hold me, yet he brought me out of childhood just the same. 

High school dates are the fantasy world of little girls, and I'm not a girl anymore.

Six months ago he called and told me to give him a reason to come back. At the time I couldn't.

I still can't, though as time's gone by, my reasoning's changed. Why should I have to give him a reason? He should know what he did to me, should've seen the look of surrender in my eyes every time he as much as glanced my way. 

He had to know how I loved him. How could he not when it ran so deep?

Sitting outside alone with only an old leather jacket and memories to keep me warm I wish I'd told him.

Could I have given him a reason? 


	4. On Mortal Nights, Blue Eyes, and Cheese ...

Disclaimer: Still not doing any X-Men owning…

Rating: PG-13 

Summary: More Lance. Happens sort of simultaneously with the last part. (Part four in the series "Is There a Place for Us?")

Author's Note: This story is semi-AU, meaning it isn't completely alternate universe, but it doesn't really go along with the show completely either. Basically, it takes place after "Hex Factor," and ignores anything that may come after it. (Which it sort of has to, seeing as at this current time, the two part season finale has not yet aired.) Anyway, it diverges from what is sure to be the path the show takes by having Lance leave town following the battle in the mall between the Brotherhood and the X-Men. (I just don't see the writers doing that…) 

Feedback and Archiving: Please. Send all feedback and archiving request to addie_logan@yahoo.com or sign on AIM or AOL and IM ChereRogueMarie. 

Shameless Website Plug: Be nice and go to my site: http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/addielogan

On Mortal Nights, Blue Eyes, and Cheese Grits

By: Addie Logan

Have you ever been to a Waffle House? No? You should sometime. It's…an experience.

If you have been, then, well, I'm sorry.

I work at one now. It's in a small town in the Upstate of South Carolina of all places.

I hope it's far enough from Bayville…

I'm a short-order cook, and I have to wear a yellow paper hat.

This place is near a university. At three A.M. it's always full of people in their early twenties, just starting to feel the buzz wear off.

I cook a lot of eggs.

A girl came in tonight who looked like Kitty. I didn't notice at first. She was wearing a ball cap. Purple with the letters "FU" emblazoned on the front in white. FU—it's the school's monogram. Apparently, there's a rumor going around that their mascot was once a "Christian Knight, so they were the Furman University Christian Knights… But that isn't the point.

The point is that the hat covered her eyes from my view until one of the guys she was sitting with reached across the table and snatched it away. I could see her face, could see her blue, blue eyes.

She looked like Kitty.

And I didn't handle that very well at all.

I wish I hadn't even turned around. The grill I use doesn't face the customers. I should have just kept looking forward, never seen the girl.

But I turned. And I saw her.

After that, I couldn't concentrate anymore. I kept messing up the orders. Some blonde bitched me out because I forgot to put cheese on her grits. She said she'd paid for cheese and she wanted cheese.

I didn't point out that she didn't even have her check yet, so she couldn't have possibly paid, or that it wouldn't really matter anyway if she wasted forty cents of Daddy's Money. Instead, I unwrapped a piece of American cheese and slapped it on the top of her bowl of grits. I'm glad my boss was amused. Looking back, it would've been a stupid thing to lose my job over. 

Not that it pays enough for me to really care. I could be underpaid and under appreciated somewhere else, too.

Like back with the Brotherhood.

I was grateful when my shift was over. The girl who looked like Kitty was still there, sitting in one of the booths, leaning up against a window. I wanted to get away so I didn't have to look at her and her too blue eyes anymore. I was out of there as soon as I could be, sinking down on the back steps by the dumpster.

How long would I be haunted by the memory of a girl I'd never really got to hold?

I should've left. I should've driven off, slept until my next shift. But I didn't. I stayed on the back steps of the Travelers' Rest Waffle House, smoking a cigarette and staring at the Golden Arches just ahead.

I should've left.

I should've left before the girl who looked like Kitty came out back and found me.

She said she'd noticed me behind the counter, and was glad she'd found me. She sat down on the steps with me. Part of me wanted to leave, wanted to get away before the pain of memory grew anymore.

I couldn't. I couldn't tear myself away from the woman who had become like a mirror of the past.

She smoked one of my cigarettes and we talked. She didn't have a lot in common with Kitty. She was more like me—more edge, less innocence. But the eyes. They were the same eyes.

She told me her roommate was gone for the night. She invited me back to her apartment on campus. I wanted to—damn, I wanted to. It would've felt nice to be in a warm bed and a warm body. But I had to walk away.

Those eyes…

I knew in the heat of passion I would've called out "Kitty," and this girl had said her name was Sylvia.

So I got up. Told her good night. We didn't exchange phone numbers, didn't plan to meet again. Nothing to pretend that it would've been more than finding comfort in another body for one mortal night.

One mortal night. I'm getting poetic in my depression.

Once back in the rat-trap I call my apartment, I wanted to call Kitty. I wanted to hear her voice, to talk to her late into the night the way I used to.

We used to have such good talks on the phone before…before…

Before the time she pushed me away.

Maybe it's good that I don't have a phone. I couldn't have handled the rejection again.

As the sun comes up, I fall asleep and dream of blue eyes.


	5. Dreaming of Something Beyond Perfect

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men. Don't sue me.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Kitty's POV again.

Author's Note: This story is semi-AU, meaning it isn't completely alternate universe, but it doesn't really go along with the show completely either. Basically, it takes place after "Hex Factor," and ignores anything that may come after it. (Which it sort of has to, seeing as at this current time, the two part season finale has not yet aired.) Anyway, it diverges from what is sure to be the path the show takes by having Lance leave town following the battle in the mall between the Brotherhood and the X-Men. (I just don't see the writers doing that…) 

Feedback and Archiving: Please. Send all feedback and archiving request to addie_logan@yahoo.com or sign on AIM or AOL and IM ChereRogueMarie. 

Shameless Website Plug: Be nice and go to my site: http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/addielogan

Dreaming of Something Beyond Perfect

By: Addie Logan

I thought after three years I wouldn't be dreaming of him anymore. I haven't as much as heard his voice since I was fifteen years old. I'm eighteen now. Legally, I'm an adult. I'm going to college in the fall—NYU on full scholarship. I've put my heart and soul into the X-Men, and I think I've become a vital part of the team. My life is as complete as it can be for someone my age. I even have a boyfriend. His name is Peter, and I tell him I love him.

I think I was first attracted to him because he reminded me of Lance. Like Lance, he'd started out as my enemy. It's such a cliché when you think about it—the good girl can't help but be attracted to the bad boys. 

Even when Peter left Magneto to join the X-Men, I still saw him as having that bad boy edge. But unlike Lance, Peter was no longer my enemy. He was something I could have. Lance and I were always separated by the line that divides the heroes from the villains. With Peter, I could have a stable relationship and a bad boy all in one. Or at least that's what I thought.

Peter isn't Lance. I figured that out quickly, but I held on anyway. I found other things about him that attracted me to him the way Lance's torn jeans, shaggy hair, and brooding temperament had before.

With Peter, I found out that he wasn't the jaded man of the world I thought he was, and suddenly I became endeared to his farm boy innocence, his unyielding devotion to his family back home in Russia, even the way he always called me "Katya."

We've been together for over a year now. I spend almost every day with him, and everyone says we make the perfect couple. I guess we do—two people always wearing the smiles of those young and in love.

But I never dream about Peter. At night, it's Lance I love, Lance I'm with, Lance I hold, kiss, touch. 

I'll never have Lance back. I came to grips with that a long time ago, and I moved on. I let Peter into my life, at first wanting a replacement for the bad boy I'd lost, but then finding something in the nice, sweet man with a gentle soul.

Sometimes nice gets boring, though.

I hate that I think like that. Peter is ideal for me in so many ways. I should be grateful for him, for what we have. But every night, I dream of Lance.  It's been three years, and he still haunts my dreams. I see him in my mind as clearly as he was standing right in front of me, staring at me with those deep brown eyes through his unruly hair.

It's always almost the same dream. Every time he calls me, begs me to tell him why he should come home, why he should be in Bayville. And this time, I give him the answer I should have when the dream was reality.

I give him a reason.

I tell him I want him.

I need him.

I love him.

Last night, when I woke up and found Peter's arms around me and not Lance's, I felt so empty. Suddenly I didn't want farm boy innocence. I didn't want anyone calling me Katya. 

I wanted to be called Kitty by someone who knows what it is to be jaded. I wanted someone solid, someone deep. Someone in touch with the world enough to keep grounded.

And I knew then why I wanted Lance, why I'd always wanted Lance. He's everything I'm not, and in a sense, the other half of me. When we were together, I was whole. For that brief moment in time, I was complete. Lance made me stronger. Peter never will.

Peter woke to the sound of my tears. He wanted to know what was wrong with his little Katya. He held me like a treasured possession.

I only cried harder.

It makes me feel like such an ingrate. Peter offers me perfection. But I don't want perfection. I want a love that's rough around the edges. I want someone who can show me a passion that sweet and naïve never can. I want to see the proof that opposites attract.

I want Lance Alvers.

I know now what I should've said when he called, when he asked for a reason. I know a million things I should've said. 

I only thought of them three years too late.

I wish I could remember that when I fall asleep at night…


	6. Introspection on the Implications of Fam...

Disclaimer: The X-Men ain't mine… I don't own TRL either. Dang, what a shame…

Rating: PG-13 

Summary: Lance again. 

Author's Note: It's more than semi-AU now. I've gone way off any possible future for _X-Men Evolution_. Oh well. Enjoy anyway… *grin* Also, I've decided to go ahead and have the story as if it took place after "Day of Reckoning" and not "Hex Factor." I think it works that way, too.

Feedback and Archiving: Please. Send all feedback and archiving request to addie_logan@yahoo.com or sign on AIM or AOL and IM ChereRogueMarie. 

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An Introspection on the Implications of Fame

By: Addie Logan 

I met this guy in the Waffle House one night. He was looking for a lead guitarist in a band he was putting together. I told him I play a little. He told me to come to an audition.

That was two years ago, and now here I am, waiting to go on Total Request Live of all the things in the world. I never even liked this show. Carson Daly bugged the hell outta me from the first moment I saw the man. But something's different about the whole thing when suddenly you're a rock star.

I never saw myself as being an overnight success in anything. Hell, I never saw myself as being a success, period. But here I am, lead guitarist and singer in the hottest rock band on the scene right now. Mike, the guy I met in Waffle House, said he saw something in me. Said we could be like Lennon and McCartney. I don't know if I'd go that far, but it sure has been a hell of a ride up to now.

Fame is everything it's cracked up to be. Sure, I know someday I'll spiral down, probably end up in some type of rehab center, but I don't care. There's parties, money, groupies. For some reason, I always go for the women with brown hair and blue eyes.

For the first time in my life, I don't have to worry where my next meal is coming from. People respect me. They see me on the streets, and they know who I am. Next month, I'm going to be on the cover of _Rolling Stone_. Sometimes, I stop and take a look at it all, and I can't believe it's actually my life. 

I don't have to think about anything anymore. Everything just comes to me. I'm on top of the world.

And now I'm about to do my first live television interview on freakin' TRL. Every teenager in America will be watching me.

Suddenly, Kitty flashes into my mind. This show's just the sort of thing she would've watched. Wouldn't surprise me if she even had the hots for that loser Carson.

Someone came out and told us it was five minutes until we were supposed to be out there. Mike was nervous as hell. I wasn't. I knew it wouldn't be any different from the radio interviews, magazine blurbs, and taped television spots we'd done before. We'd chat a bit about the band, where we came from and where we were going. Daly'd probably make the same joke every other interviewer had—about how we called ourselves "Five Average Guys," but we were obviously anything but, and then we'd perform our first hit single.

That was the part I was looking forward to the most. I'd written that song myself, and our producer had picked it to release first. Even if Mike was a little hurt at first that it was one of my songs and not his that we made our first single, as soon as we hit it big, he got over it. Funny what'll suddenly seem perfectly fine when it's making you that much money.

I wrote the song for Kitty. I didn't want to. I wanted to forget her. I kept trying to make myself be mad at her for what she'd done to me, how she'd just brushed me off when I'd asked her to give me a reason to come home to Bayville, hoping she'd give herself as that reason.

But I couldn't be angry. I was the enamored one. I was the one who was dumb enough to fall for someone out of my league. She'd probably forgotten about me a week after I left. Probably even sooner than that. She probably went off and found some guy that deserved her.

I think about her almost everyday. I think about her every time I sing that song. I've had people tell me before how much emotion I put into it, like I'm really feeling it. I don't tell them I am. It sounds too corny. But Kitty's memory is wrapped around every word.

I feel like an idiot every time I think about her. I was seventeen, she was fourteen. Too young all around. We were never anything more than a few stolen moments, a kiss here and there. I was too jaded to go for young, innocent love, but I wanted it with Kitty. I thought of her like an angel, someone who could save me from all the pain and darkness in my life.

She hit me hard. I'd seen her before, known who she was since elementary school. But as soon as I saw her phase through those lockers, saw she was a mutant like me, I felt a sort of bond with her. She was on a higher level than me, sure, but suddenly we were alike somehow. We had a common thread. If someone as high in the social food chain as Kitty Pryde could be a mutant, maybe I wasn't the scum I thought I was.

Being her enemy in name didn't change anything. When I saw her, it was like the world got a little brighter. Even when my head told me that I was heading for trouble, I didn't care. Kitty was everything I ever wanted, and I couldn't help but love her.

Until reality came in cold. Mystique came back. She reminded us that the X-Men and the Brotherhood were enemies. I didn't want to fight Kitty. I didn't want her to be there. I told her. She didn't listen.

Everything got so bad after that. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran. 

But I didn't run far before I started missing her. I don't think Kitty ever realized how much I adored her. I tried to hide it, tried to convince myself and her that she wasn't my whole world. Then I was faced with the thought of leaving her for good, and I couldn't take it. I called her, hoping she'd tell me what I longed to hear.

She didn't. She wrote me off like it was the easiest thing in the world. Looking back now, I can't blame her. I never gave her much to hold on to. I should've told her everything I was thinking in that phone call—that I loved her more than anything in the world, and I'd die if it meant I got to hold her even for a moment. I should've told her that I'd even be willing to give the X-Men another try just to work things out with her.

But I didn't. I said as little as possible and made it her call. Then I took off, never trying to convince her that we were meant to be. I was a boy from the wrong side of the tracks. She was like a princess to me. 

Now I'm back in New York. I'm famous. I'm about to be on television. I'm all I never thought I'd be.

I wonder if Kitty is watching…


	7. Fate Steps in and Turns on the Radio

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men. Don't sue me, and I'll be your best friend...

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Kitty's POV again.

Author's Note: This story is semi-AU, meaning it isn't completely alternate universe, but it doesn't really go along with the show completely either. Basically, it takes place after "Day of Reckoning," and ignores anything that may come after it. (I can't see into the future, so I can't predict season three...sorry...) Anyway, it diverges from what is sure to be the path the show takes by having Lance leave town following the battle in the mall between the Brotherhood and the X-Men. (I just don't see the writers doing that…) 

Feedback and Archiving: Please. Send all feedback and archiving request to addie_logan@yahoo.com or sign on AIM or AOL and IM ChereRogueMarie. 

Shameless Website Plug: Be nice and go to my site: http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/addielogan

Fate Steps in and Turns on the Radio

By: Addie Logan

I was in the kitchen when I heard Rogue scream my name. The urgency in her voice made me fear the worst, but nothing could've prepared me for what I saw.

I didn't have to ask who it was. Three years had aged him, ripped away the last bit of childhood from his face, but I'd still know him anywhere. Those deep brown eyes, always almost hidden by dark, unkempt hair.

Lance Alvers.

My heart leapt at the sight of him, and I knew then that I was still in love with him. I wanted to cry.

I stared at the television, wondering if I was caught in some strange dream. One where Rogue was watching Mtv and Lance was being interviewed by Carson Daly...

"The first single, 'Avalanche,' has been a _huge_ hit, and a lot of people are saying it's because of all the emotion you put in when you sing it. Was there any sort of inspiration behind that song?"

I'll remember Carson's question and Lance's answer for the rest of my life. I'll be able to recite it from my death bed.

"Yeah. I girl I loved in high school. Her name was Kitty." He paused, and for a second I could see the raw emotion in his eyes before he shut off again. "But what really made the song into the hit it is, Carson, has nothing to do with me alone, but the strength of all the guys in the band."

Someone else in the band—I think they said his name was Mike—spoke for most of the rest of the interview. I kept staring at Lance though, trying to reconcile the moment with reality.

Then they sang the song, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I'd heard it on the radio plenty of times before, but I'd never paid it much attention.

Funny how a song changes when you realize it's being sung to you—literally.

**_I saw you standin' there_****__**

**_Saw heaven in your eyes_****__**

**_You were all I ever wanted_****__**

**_And all I couldn't dare_****__**

**_I wanted to be your man_****__**

**_Wanted to be more than I should_****__**

**_Tried to stay away from you_****__**

**_Tried to stop what I never could_** **_But you hit me like an avalanche_**

**_I fell down, down, down_****__**

**_You didn't know what you did to me_****__**

**_Never knew I was your clown_****__**

**_You're everything I needed to be_****__**

**_All I shouldn't have_****__**

**_You hit me like an avalanche_****__**

**_You were too good for me_****__**

**_I knew it from the start_****__**

**_I didn't stop, I didn't care_****__**

**_I threw away my weak heart_****__**

**_I let myself love you_****__**

**_Knowin' we could never be_****__**

**_Now I have to close this tear_****__**

**_Losin' you made in me_****__**

**_And you hit me like an avalanche_**

**_I fell down, down, down_****__**

**_You didn't know what you did to me_****__**

**_Never knew I was your clown_****__**

**_You're everything I needed to be_****__**

**_All I shouldn't have  
You hit me like an avalanche..._****__**

When the song ended, Lance looked directly into the camera, and it was as if our eyes met. I knew at that moment he was thinking about me, and I couldn't hold the tears back anymore.

Rogue hugged me. Years of sharing a living space had long since changed our initial animosity into a deep friendship.

She asked me if I still loved him. I lied.

I said no.

She obviously didn't believe me. She told me his band was doing a concert in New York City the weekend after next, and she said we should get tickets. After the concert we could wait out back and try to find Lance.

I reminded her about Peter.

She said as my best friend, it was her duty to inform me that I was not in love with my current boyfriend, and I should make a play for the man who—albeit for reasons she could not understand—still had my heart. 

I said I didn't want to. I wasn't in love with Lance. I had Peter. Besides, standing around waiting for him to notice us would never work.

She said it was either that, or she'd tell Gambit to find out where Lance lived and then break me in whether I liked it or not.

I laughed, but stayed firm in my refusal. My heart was screaming yes at the thought of seeing Lance again, but my brain just wouldn't allow it.

Peter was safe and comfortable. Lance would be anything but.

Rogue let it go for awhile. Until she won some radio call-in contest.

Two tickets and backstage passes to Five Average Guys.

_Lance's band._

Rogue called it a sign. Said I couldn't go against fate.

Today she woke me up early so she could dress me up like her personal life-size Barbie doll.

We're backstage now, and they just finished the last encore. He's suddenly so close, and I don't know if I want to run to him or away from him.

Panic freezes me, so I can't do either.

He's turning and I think...

Our eyes lock.

He's seen me.


	8. Return of Love Like a Dream

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men. Don't sue me, and I'll be your best friend...

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Back to Lance.

Author's Note: This story is semi-AU, meaning it isn't completely alternate universe, but it doesn't really go along with the show completely either. Basically, it takes place after "Day of Reckoning," and ignores anything that may come after it. (I can't see into the future, so I can't predict season three...sorry...) Anyway, it diverges from what is sure to be the path the show takes by having Lance leave town following the battle in the mall between the Brotherhood and the X-Men. (I just don't see the writers doing that…) 

Feedback and Archiving: Please. Send all feedback and archiving request to addie_logan@yahoo.com or sign on AIM or AOL and IM ChereRogueMarie. 

Shameless Website Plug: Be nice and go to my site: http://www.angelfire.com/scifi/addielogan

Return of Love like a Dream

By: Addie Logan

I didn't believe what I was seeing at first.

It had been so long. Why would she even be there? Unless...

Unless she came to see me.

But then I didn't know why she wanted to see me. Was she there just to see an old friend? To let me know how much she hated me? She couldn't still have feelings for me. I knew that wasn't her reason for coming.

I didn't care.

She looked so beautiful standing there, and I had to touch her.

I walked up to her, and she opened her mouth to speak. I didn't let her. I grabbed her—kissed her. She froze at first, but I didn't stop. I pulled her closer until her body melted in my arms and her fingers tangled in my hair.

When I finally pulled away, she started up a me with flushed cheeks and swollen lips. My chest grew tight. So beautiful...

"Lance?"

Her voice was soft...so soft.

"Kitty? God, I feel like I'm dreaming."

She made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "I know. Me, too."

I started to reach for her again, when I realized Rogue was there. I stopped. "Oh. You. Hi."

Rogue looked almost smug. "Well, looks like my work here is done. You kids have fun."

Kitty looked frightened, and I felt a sudden wave of panic I couldn't quite give a reason for.

She asked Rogue where she was going, in this quick, nervous tone, and I knew exactly what I was afraid of. Kitty didn't want to be alone with me. She'd come to see me, even let me kiss her, but she'd had Rogue there for moral support.

I still wanted her. That was completely clear. And she didn't want me. Not for good. I steadied myself, waited for the pain I'd grown so used to. I can make myself immune to it now.

Rogue said she thought we might want some time alone, and what Kitty did after that shocked me. She gave Rogue a hug good-bye and told her she'd call her on her cell if she needed her.

Rogue walked away. Kitty smiled at me. My heart soared.

I took Kitty's hand and started showing her around, telling her about every little thing I could think of. I'd never talked so much in my life. It was so much like my dreams, that I was afraid if I stopped and let it be silent, I'd wake up.

Kitty kept smiling at me. Her eyes were as blue as I'd remembered, and they were glistening with tears.

I asked her if she was happy. I trembled as I waited for her answer. She had to say yes. I still loved her. I couldn't believe just how much I still loved her... I had her so close to being back in my arms. She had to be happy there with me. She had to say yes.

"Yes."

Before I could say anything else, Mike walked up to us. I knew immediately he was going to say something stupid.

He did.

"Who's this one, Lance? Or do you know her name?"

As soon as the words were out of his mouth I panicked. Mike always teased me about my women, and it didn't matter when I was with some groupie looking for a one-night stand with a rock star.  But when the woman in question was Kitty...

I didn't want Kitty to know about the others. I was suddenly ashamed and reminded of why I'd never been good enough for her in the first place.

Kitty raised an eyebrow. I figured it was time for damage control.

"Mike, this is Kitty. You know..._Kitty_."

"Kitty?" Realization set in on his face. "Kitty as in the girl from the song Kitty?"

"Yeah."

Mike looked flustered then, and something about that really pleased me. Sometimes he was just too calm and collected. Sorta reminded me of Summers.

"Um, nice to meet ya, Kitty," Mike said, shaking Kitty's hand—the one I wasn't clinging to. "Lance talks about you a lot. And, um, I was just teasin' him earlier."

Kitty giggled and I felt like I could breathe again. "It's all right. Lance and I haven't been together for three years. I didn't exactly think he'd taken a vow of chastity through that time or anything."

"So are y'all back together now?"

I couldn't breathe again. My entire life rested on Kitty's answer.

"I don't know. Lance and I haven't really had the chance to talk about it yet."

It wasn't a no, and that was something. A start at least. I told Mike I'd been about to leave. That I wanted some time alone with Kitty.

Mike and Kitty were both okay with that. She left with me and stood calmly beside me, even when the throngs of women converged on me, all wanting autographs and probably dreaming of something more.

Usually, one of them might have had a chance. 

Not tonight.

_Tonight I only want Kitty Pryde._

She'd be quiet, really ever since I kissed her, and she didn't say a word as we rode in the limo back to the hotel.

When we got to my suite, she just stood there, looking around.

"Say something, Kitty."

"Nice room."

Not exactly what I'd been hoping for. "The record company's paying for it." I sat down on the bed and motioned for her to sit beside me.

She did, although not very close.

For once, I decided to just lay my emotions all out there in the open. Usually, I tried to protect myself; stay guarded. This time though, I knew after coming this far, if Kitty walked out that door, I'd crumble regardless of what I said to her now. She still had that effect on me somehow. I thought maybe my chances would be better if I let her know how I felt, so I decided to go for broke.

"I'm still in love with you."

"I'm still in love with you, too."

It didn't seem possible, that Kitty could actually still have feelings for me—that she'd ever had them, but I wasn't going to push things then. But I thanked whatever higher power may exist, just to be on the safe side.

I pulled Kitty into my arms and kissed her until I was sure she was real.

"I want to touch you," I said between kisses. "I want to make love to you."

She fell into my arms, and I didn't let go until the sun began to rise, and the exhaustion became too much.

I fell asleep with Kitty in my arms, and for the first time in three years I slept well. I didn't know how things would be when we woke, if she'd remember in the light of day that she hated me, that she'd wanted me out of her life.

I let the night be perfect. Like a dream. Tomorrow I'd brace myself for the pain of reality.

But if Kitty did plan to leave, then I hoped I'd never wake up.


End file.
